Oh, where to start?
My poor house is so neglected. Things were never kept up with, and I've hit the expiration date on many parts of the house.
I spend a lot of time flipping things off in the house. My middle finger is used frequently and is usually accompanied by cursing and sometimes crying. I usually need a minute to freak out for a little, and then my favorite part: the new plan.
The big picture new plan is to put out the immediate fires. Then I'm going to go through the house, bit by bit, and finish each project until it's no longer neglected. I've given myself a 5-year timeline to get mostly everything done before I reassess where I stand with the house.
I keep pretending I moved into a house where the previous owners didn't throw much out, didn't keep it up, and didn't clean it very well. I get to tackle corner by corner, clean it properly, and then finish up the project around work and those kids. I'm documenting most of this through TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook if you'd like to follow along. I plan on posting each project here as I finish. Eventually I'll have the house I always wanted, set up and organized the way it should always have been. It's very exciting, even though sometimes I'm so overwhelmed that I want to throw up.
By the way, I'm the "previous owner". It's me. I've lived here for 20 years. Granted, the situation here has changed drastically... thus this rebirth of and 5-year plan for the house. Note: Not to be confused with the actual previous owner, who was an electrician. Frick that guy.
Here's the short list, where each will need its own freak-out and its own new plan:
- First I have to seal the outer wall of the porch (probably 2/3rds of the walls actually) with a stucco patch so it seals the outside out and the inside in. Then I have to install a sill plate and some other stuff to seal the inside as a temporary fix. This is after I remove the critter nests and grossness from inside the wall. This is fire number one. I have already freaked out, and I do have a plan.
- I'm gonna easily fill a 20-yard dumpster. This is fire number two. (Everything else is as I can figure it out.)
- Original 1960-something bathroom tiles, with the teal bathtub and weird tile up the wall. The kitchen is original.
- The previous owners left a sauna in the ugly bathroom. It's attached to the wall, next to the toilet. It's never been removed or used. It's in the way.
- There's no heat in the kitchen, and the laundry and ugly bathroom are on the same heating zone as the garage... and it's all slanted.
- Water seems to be getting into the garage somewhere.
- Water is totally getting into the basement.
- No disgusting carpets in the basement and porch were ever replaced with cleaner, modern, family-friendly flooring.
- The 1970's paneling is still alive and well, along with the honey wood, throughout the entire house.
- Downstairs, half of the basement is covered in fine dust from the pellet stove.
- The soffits outside are a disaster because the gutters have been band-aided for years when they just need to be replaced.
- The paint is peeling off the house, and the weeds are so overgrown that I have critters living in the little homes they have tunneled into.
- I have a shed that needs to be cleaned out and fixed. The wall of the shed was ripped down, and then a smaller, crappier shed was built about a foot away, and then they covered the gap with plywood to make one bigger shed. And I guarantee there are critters, but it would be nice if it's actually useable.
- There's tree work to be done everywhere, water drainage issues, the garage floor and basement floors are cracked and heaving.
- A 5-gallon bucket of resin split open and spilled in the garage, and I have no idea how to clean it up. I threw a bag of Zep Instant Spill Absorber on it for now.
- Nothing's been painted since my 17-year-old baby was a baby, literally on my hip.
- I need new doors, a new slider, and a new side window next to the door.
- I need to clean out and somehow waterproof the window wells.
- I have to place rocks along the perimeter of the house to keep the slope going away from it instead of into it in some places.
- The pellet stove needs to be reinstalled, and an egress window needs to be added.
- Battery backups for the sump pump and pellet stove have made the list after having to empty six 5-gallon buckets from the sump pump the last time I lost power. You know I didn't have the generator ready.
- The electric is original. Most of it is still wrapped in cloth, and I definitely have copper pipes that are starting to burst in super slow motion.
- The dude who used to live here was an electrician, and nothing is run correctly.
- The joint where the bathroom and floor meet was caulked over with silicone, and the floor wasn't cleaned first.
- I'm making a secret garden out of the old vegetable garden and have started 1100 mini side quest projects, including a dead hedge that'll wrap around the above-mentioned secret garden.
- Probably something in the attic.
I'm forgetting so much. Like the giant pile of mulch that's still hanging out in my front yard. I'm sure the neighbor who likes to report my upper shed to the town LOOOOOVES that one.
At the end of the day, I have a roof over my head that holds water out, and I won't have any boredom to complain about for the next 5 years or so. Life is pretty good.
So frick you neglected house. I really am going to make you awesome.
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